How Mindfulness Helped Me Embrace Pleasure, Taboo, and the Compass of Wanting

I’ve been told I lean into pleasure more than most — food, comfort, beauty. They’re right. I’ve always wanted more.

Growing up, desire wasn’t something we talked about. Not openly. Food was discussed in terms of discipline. Lust was condemned in church. Beauty was admired but never fully named as desire. And so, like most taboos, desire became magnetic.

Psychologists call it “reactance”: when something is off-limits, it becomes even more appealing. That was my story. What I couldn’t have, I wanted more.

As I’ve aged, I’ve come to see desire differently. It’s not dangerous. It’s information. A signal of what draws me, what I value, what I crave. Sometimes that desire nourishes me — like the desire to travel, to create, to mother. Sometimes it tempts me toward things that drain me. The wisdom is in the pause: asking, if I pursue this, will it feed me or empty me?

I’ve chased sparks before. Sometimes they burned me. Sometimes they guided me home. Desire has always been my compass.

Science tells us dopamine fires not only when we get what we want, but when we anticipate it. That means the wanting itself is powerful. Fantasies don’t always need to be acted on. Sometimes it’s enough to savor the pull.

So here’s the question I’ll leave you with: what desires have you pursued without apology? And which ones are still waiting in the wings, worthy of your attention?

Next week’s card is Say Yes. A practice in noticing where we give our yeses — and whether they’re truly aligned.

🔗 Watch how this played out in real time on TikTok, original post made August 14th:
👉 Mindfulness in the Middle Series